A Blog is coming....

A new blog is in progress...it is a very detailed, "science sort of blog"...I have been reworking it for months...THANKS so much for your patience!  


I thank you for your support and prayers as I prayerfully write these blogs in hopes they will touch the hearts of many.


Blessings on you as you wait...


May His JOY tickle your heart always as you dance in the light of His LOVE in spite of circumstance!
~Laurie

Hmmmmm...Senior moment?

So how often do you have a senior moment?  I had to stop and think about it when I received the following email from my great uncle.

"This morning I got my newspaper from outside and went to the microwave and punched up one minute to heat up my coffee.

Unfortunately at that moment, I realize something...I forgot to put the coffee in the microwave!

This was a record moment, but at least I remembered to get the coffee out of the microwave after I had heated it...which I frequently do!

As opposed to the norm, instead looking at this in a negative way I had to start laughing...not all senior moments are that big a deal!?"

After reading his experience, I began to chuckle.  But soon found myself reflecting on the senior moments I knew about in my life.  So I decided to email him back with the following recollection: 

I love this story Uncle Wayne!  Thanks for sharing your senior moment!  You can ask my dad about the time when he was thinking he was putting the juice away. However, instead he was put his eyeglasses in the refrigerator. On the other hand, ever better yet here is one of mine.  I was needing to take something, (which I cannot remember what that something was ---TEEEE HEEE-another senior moment in progress...yikeeeees)...anyway, I was wanting to take something downstairs (which is a BIG chores because of my muscle and balance issues)... I proceeded to go downstairs but once I was, there I could not remember why I was there so started doing laundry. Once the laundry was started, I went back up and rested a moment. A moment later, I looked up at counter and noticed what it was I needed to take downstairs, so I went to get it but the phone rang. After completing my phone call I remembered I needed to go downstairs for some reason, so I slowly took myself downstairs, however, you guessed it! Once I was down there, I realized could not remember why I was there, so I decided cleaned up my desk.  When I completed that task, I went back upstairs to rest, when I spotted what I originally needed to take downstairs. So, of course, I picked it up and cautiously slide myself down the stairs. When I got back down, I could not remember why I was there but noticed I had something in my hand that needed to go down there. Therefore, I decided to take care of it and put it away so I could go rest upstairs. However, once I got up to the top step, I was so exhausted, I sat down to rest right there. When suddenly, you guessed it, I looked up at the counter and remembered why I had gone downstairs.  I could not believe I had gone such a thing so I began laughing my head-off! Yes, at last it happened, "whatever it was" finally got downstairs! However, did I tell you, I did forget the laundry? Yep, I found it 3 days smelling like mildew!  LOL!  NOW that IS a senior moment!  Hmmmmmmm, I wonder if I remembered the laundry once I restarted it????  Oh no, here I go again! LOL!  :)  

So did you SMILE?  I hope so! 

Love,

~Laurie

P.S.  So I guess this also reinforces my need to live in a one level home someday soon.  This is certainly true on the days I need a wheelchair too!  That part isn't that funny, but I must laugh and make the best of all of it!  So I hope you laughed with me!


Well, I hope you enjoyed knowing about my "senior moment"!  May your days be blessed and your evenings too!  Hmmmmm...your senior moments too!

Love

Love has many personal definitions, as well as the dictionary definition. My personal experiences have shown me there are many feelings attached to it. Love is a powerful word evoking strong emotions either good or bad.   So let’s begin by looking at the definition from Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia online:

Love is an emotion of strong affection and personal attachment.^[1] In philosophical context, love is a virtue representing all of human kindness, compassion, and affection. In some religious contexts, love is not just a virtue, but the basis for all being, as in the Christian phrase, "God is love" or Agape in the Canonical gospels.^[2] Love may also be described as actions towards others (or oneself) based on compassion.^[3] Or as actions towards others based on affection.^[4]

In English, the word love can refer to a variety of different feelings, states, and attitudes, ranging from generic pleasure ("I loved that meal") to intense interpersonal attraction ("I love my partner"). "Love" can also refer specifically to the passionate desire and intimacy of romantic love, to the sexual love of eros (cf. Greek words for love), to the emotional closeness of familial love, or to the platonic love that defines friendship,^[5] to the profound oneness or devotion of religious love. ^[6] This diversity of uses and meanings, combined with the complexity of the feelings involved, makes love unusually difficult to consistently define, even compared to other emotional states.

Love in its various forms acts as a major facilitator of interpersonal relationships and, owing to its central psychological importance, is one of the most common themes in the creative arts.

Science defines what could be understood as love as an evolved state of the survival instinct, primarily used to keep human beings together against menaces and to facilitate the continuation of the species through reproduction.^[7]

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Much of this definition make sense as I reflect on my life and as I relate it to my own personal experiences.  However, the actual process of learning about love has been an ongoing journey, a journey of pain as well as a journey of joy. 

There was a time in my life that I had very little understanding of love. As a new little life in this great big world, I experienced bits and pieces of love. However, many negative experiences from abuse confused my understanding of love.  I grew up not really feeling truly loved, so I searched to find the true meaning of love.  Little did I know just how important it was to learn to love and accept myself before I would truly learn real love.  

As a result, my journey took me in many sad directions that only reinforced "more the lack of love" than helping me gain the understanding of the meaning of love.  I experienced so much hurt and abuse that the confusion grew. I had no idea of the true meaning of love. A deeper sadness filled my mind and heart.  Soon, a wall began to grow, as I began to build it up stone by stone to keep others out. It was the only way to protect my heart from the hurt and pain. 

However, not many knew all the hurt and pain I kept hidden inside. I worked hard to keep everyone at an arm’s length, far away from my heart.  I did not want to let anyone inside my world or to know my heart. It was way too wounded and needed my wall to protect it.  Yet, because I took "to heart" the golden rule, I continued do all I could do to love others, to show compassion and to give others what I lacked in my life. I felt so undeserving of love, yet, longed for it so deeply. I did not want anyone else to go without love. 

As time went by, many people tried to love me back, but I continued to reject it. My heart just could not understand the love they were trying to show me. I felt so unworthy to accept their love while at the same time, fearful that if I accepted their love I would only get hurt.  Yet, on the other hand, I did not know how to actually accept it. The problem was if I did accept it, I would not know what to do with it. It felt to foreign. All I knew in my heart was that I wanted to "do unto others, as I would have others do unto me."

My life continued to feel so very empty inside although many strived to show me that they loved me. However, the fact was, my heart was still surrounded by the stone wall I had built around my heart and my mind...although I saw it as protection it really was keeping me wounded.  So no matter how hard those around me tried to show they cared, I just could not "feel" loved.  I sank into a deep depression...to the point I did not want to live.

It was during this a time that a friend offered God as a solution.  She told me how God loved me unconditionally and that He understood all my pain.  I began to open my heart to God. I pleaded for Him to help me learn the meaning of love.  But sadly, more trials poured into my life, one being that I lost my job and then physically attacked which resulted in a long court trial.  So instead of gaining an understanding of love, I felt more pain and hurt...my stone wall grew stronger and taller.  I begun to scream out at God saying, "God if this is your love I do not want any part of it!" 

Again, those people I had began to let into my life, I began to push aside.  I went back into my own world in order to try to block out the hurt and pain.  I felt numb...Life did not feel worth living.  I knew I did not want to keep going on this way.  However, God works in mysterious way, for little did I know, a seed had been planted, it was the seed of God's love.  He began tugging at my heart and whispering His message of love into my heart and mind.  He wanted me to trust Him and rest in His arms, but I continued to resist and I continued to push Him away.

I figured education would help me understand my life so I began taking classes. I took classes teaching about Family Dynamics and Relationships, as well as Interpersonal relationships.  I wanted to understand my life and family and their type of love. I wanted to be sure that I did not carry out the same patterns of what I had learned throughout my life. I wanted to break the cycle of abuse and pain. Strangely enough, the more I began understanding my life and family the more my heart began to open up to "God" and His love.

However, the pain I had endured throughout my life continued to keep my heart and mind walled off. I continued to fight deep depression.  I knew I must seek help beyond myself, so I began to get counseling.  My counselor opened up her heart to me and presented me with a God who was sad for my suffering. Teaching me how He had been walking with me every step of the way.  Showing me He wants to hold and comfort the "little child within" and show that little girl how loves and values who she is...all I must do is accept the gift...the gift of His love.

Through many tears and many more years, my heart finally did learn of love and the greatest love of all, God's love.  He did stand by me each step of the way.  His patience with me was beyond words. It was clear He had brought many people into my life to be "His hands and feet" to show me the meaning of His love.  

It is true that one never stops learning about human love or the love of God.  As we journey on we never stop our search for the meaning of love.  We continue to learn how to show love, accept love and to live a life that reaches out to others with the love that God has given us to share.

When I read the love chapter in the Bible, I realize how much more I have to learn when it comes to real love.  Yet, at the same time, it shows me how "perfect" God's love is for each of us. His love is amazing, just read all that this verse speaks of...for God is Love.

1 Corinthians 13:4-7 NIV

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

God's Promise for Us: His love will persevere through every situation.


God's love is relentless and consistent. His love for us does not change like shifting shadows, but perseveres through every situation. His love will always surround us, it will always forgive, it will always believe the best about every situation and it will always stay true. He will not keep a record of wrongs or be angry with us. He has hope for our lives. This is the love that God has for us. His love is real.


His love is not like any love we have experienced here on this earth. The fact is, even the love from the most amazing father, mother, brother, sister, friend, spouse, or whoever cannot measure up to the love of our Father God. His love is perfect. 


The love of others is only a shadow of the unconditional, everlasting love that God has for each us. God's love is immeasurable. If only we could have, the power to grasp the vastness of the immeasurable love that God has for us.  Paul the Apostle prays in Ephesians 3:14-19 for us to be rooted in His love.

14 For this reason I kneel before the Father, 15 from whom every family in heaven and on earth derives its name. 16 I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, 17 so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, 18 may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, 19 and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.

So if God is Love: How does God Define Love?


The Bible tells us that, "God is Love" (see 1 John 4:8). But how can we even begin to understand that truth? There are many passages in the Bible that give us God's definition of love. The most well known verse is John 3:16, 

"¹⁶ For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life." 

So one way God defines love is in the act of giving...giving of oneself.  However, the gift God gave  was not a mere wrapped present; God sacrificed His only Son so that we, who put our faith in His Son, will have eternal life...so nothing will allow us to be separated from His love. This is an amazing love. Even when we choose to be separated from God, He is patient and waits for us.  It is God who mends our separation from Him through His personal sacrifice of His Son. It is up to us...All we have to do is accept His gift. 

Just as it was in my own personal life, I continued to push God away.  I separated myself from Him and pushed away His love.  I viewed love through the hurt and pain I had experienced in my own life.  I had to be willing to view love through His eyes and allow Him to touch and heal my heart. It is His love the chipped away at the wall around my heart.


Another verse about God's love is found in Romans 5:8, 

"⁸ But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." 

Notice in this verse and in John 3:16 above, we can find no conditions placed on the love God has for us. God's love is unconditional.  He does not say, "as soon as you clean up your act, I'll love you;” nor does He say, "I'll sacrifice my Son if you promise to love Me."  In fact, in Romans 5:8, we find just the opposite. God wants us to know that His love is unconditional, so He sent His Son, Jesus Christ, to die for us while we were still unlovable with our sins unforgiven. We did not have to "get clean," nor did we have to make any promises to God before we could experience His love. I could have continued to push Him away and He would have just continued to wait.  Yes, that is what He did for me, He waited. He waited for me to open my heart and accept His gift...For His love for me and for you has always existed. He did all the giving and sacrificing long before we were even aware that we needed His love. He truly loves us. All of us.

God is Love: It is Unconditional


Can you believe it? Can you let your heart and mind accept the fact, God is Love? His love is very different than human love. God's love is unconditional, and it is not based on feelings or emotions like our human love. He does not base His love for us because we are lovable or because we make Him feel good. He loves us because He is love. His love is perfect. He created each of us to have a loving relationship with Him. He sacrificed His own Son, who willingly died for us, in order to restore our relationship. He does not want puppets...He wants all His children to be all they can be.

This may be hard for you to wrap your mind around.  I know it was for me and at times, I still struggle with it. I wonder why would He do such a thing? How can I trust this is true?  The fact is we can continue to doubt His love and even push Him away, but He will remain there...patiently waiting with His arms open wide.  Yes, I know that all this is true because He has done this for me and I know He will do it for you too. He wants you to know His perfect love.

The fact is, true love only comes through a relationship with him...It is the only way we can learn the true meaning of love.  It does not mean that we will not struggle or feel pain. We will continue to journey on learning a little more each step of the way.  We must rest in Him and walk with Him. We must learn from Him. He is patient and will be patient to teach each of us, as He loves us each step of the way.  It is sort of like the "Footprints" poem where God carries us in His arms of love through all the trials of life...for He is Love!  He wants to carry our burdens and fill our hearts with love.

Therefore, with all of that let me leave you with one last passage for God's love can be summed up in this scripture:

"⁷ Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. ⁸ Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. ⁹This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. ¹⁰ This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. ¹¹ Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another."  1 John 4:7-11 

God is love...So may you know I write this blog because no matter who you are I love you.  I love you with the love of God.  It matters not what you have gone through in this life or the pain you carry.  He is here for you.  You can give all your pain and hurt to Him. I long for you to know the true meaning of love...the love of God.  He longs to know you too...He is there waiting...waiting to give each of us His gift of love...So I leave you with this...

My Child,

You may not know me,
but I know everything about you.
Psalm 139:1

I know when you sit down and when you rise up. 
Psalm 139:2

I am familiar with all your ways. 
Psalm 139:3

Even the very hairs on your head are numbered. 
Matthew 10:29-31

For you were made in my image. 
Genesis 1:27

In me you live and move and have your being.
Acts 17:28

For you are my offspring. 
Acts 17:28

I knew you even before you were conceived. 
Jeremiah 1:4-5

I chose you when I planned creation. 
Ephesians 1:11-12

You were not a mistake,
for all your days are written in my book. 
Psalm 139:15-16

I determined the exact time of your birth
and where you would live. 
Acts 17:26

You are fearfully and wonderfully made. 
Psalm 139:14

I knit you together in your mother's womb. 
Psalm 139:13

And brought you forth on the day you were born. 
Psalm 71:6

I have been misrepresented
by those who don't know me.
John 8:41-44

I am not distant and angry,
but am the complete expression of love. 
1 John 4:16

And it is my desire to lavish my love on you. 
1 John 3:1

Simply because you are my child
and I am your Father. 
1 John 3:1

I offer you more than your earthly father ever could. 
Matthew 7:11

For I am the perfect father. 
Matthew 5:48

Every good gift that you receive comes from my hand. 
James 1:17

For I am your provider and I meet all your needs. 
Matthew 6:31-33

My plan for your future has always been filled with hope. 
Jeremiah 29:11

Because I love you with an everlasting love. 
Jeremiah 31:3

My thoughts toward you are countless
as the sand on the seashore.
Psalms 139:17-18

And I rejoice over you with singing. 
Zephaniah 3:17

I will never stop doing good to you. 
Jeremiah 32:40

For you are my treasured possession. 
Exodus 19:5

I desire to establish you
with all my heart and all my soul. 
Jeremiah 32:41

And I want to show you great and marvelous things. 
Jeremiah 33:3

If you seek me with all your heart,
you will find me. 
Deuteronomy 4:29

Delight in me and I will give you
the desires of your heart. 
Psalm 37:4

For it is I who gave you those desires. 
Philippians 2:13

I am able to do more for you
than you could possibly imagine. 
Ephesians 3:20

For I am your greatest encourager. 
2 Thessalonians 2:16-17

I am also the Father who comforts you
in all your troubles. 
2 Corinthians 1:3-4

When you are brokenhearted,
I am close to you. 
Psalm 34:18

As a shepherd carries a lamb,
I have carried you close to my heart. 
Isaiah 40:11

One day I will wipe away
every tear from your eyes. 
Revelation 21:3-4

And I'll take away all the pain
you have suffered on this earth.
Revelation 21:3-4

I am your Father, and I love you
even as I love my son, Jesus.
John 17:23

For in Jesus, my love for you is revealed. 
John 17:26

He is the exact representation of my being. 
Hebrews 1:3

He came to demonstrate that I am for you,
not against you. 
Romans 8:31

And to tell you that I am not counting your sins.
2 Corinthians 5:18-19

Jesus died so that you and I could be reconciled. 
2 Corinthians 5:18-19

His death was the ultimate expression
of my love for you. 
1 John 4:10

I gave up everything I loved
that I might gain your love. 
Romans 8:31-32

If you receive the gift of my son Jesus,
you receive me. 
1 John 2:23

And nothing will ever separate you
from my love again.
Romans 8:38-39

Come home and I'll throw the biggest party
heaven has ever seen.
Luke 15:7

I have always been Father,
and will always be Father.
Ephesians 3:14-15

My question is…
Will you be my child? 
John 1:12-13

I am waiting for you. 
Luke 15:11-32

Love, 
Your Dad, Almighty God

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New Year Pruning

2010 brought much pruning into my life, perhaps in yours too. It is true, the plants and trees in my yard needed much pruning in order that they continue to flourish and grow in the year to come. However, I am not really speaking of my yard but my own personal life. (I will talk more about that later in my blog.) For you see, the trials and hurdles I have faced have brought about continued change in my life.  Yet, I cry out, "How can this make me flourish and grow? How can pruning away at my life be a blessing when it hurts so much?"

If you are like me, you do not always understand why things happen the way they do in our lives. It is hard to see what good can come from anything that hurts so much or causes us to wonder how we can make it through another day. However, here I am...pruned. Pruned down to nothing, at least so it feels.  So I ask will I really grow again? Is there an answer?  There is a verse that reads:

John 15:2 "Every branch in me that bears no fruit he takes away: and every branch that bear fruit, he prunes it, that it may bring forth more fruit."

This pruning has been interpreted in many ways. The illustration that Jesus is using is one of pruning; therefore, some have said just like pruning trees, this process is very painful.  In our lives, God cuts and slashes us through things like sickness, death, poverty, and other forms of tragedy so that eventually we will bear more fruit. He wants to bring about healing in our lives and so in order to do so He must take away those things that are road blocks or that hold us back. This view means it is necessary for us to suffer, if we want to bear more fruit.

Yet, even though there is an element of truth in this way of thinking, it is not totally consistent with the rest of God's Word or even the context of this verse. The text says that the pruning that Jesus speaks of is done through the Word that He has spoken unto us, or the Word He has giving to us.  He does want to bring healing into our lives and He does want us to bear more fruit. So what is the Word He speaks unto us?

2 Timothy 3:16-17 says that God's Word was given to us "for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, and for instruction in righteousness: Therefore the followers of God may be perfected and thoroughly furnished with all good works." Could it be that God's method of pruning means that by simply reading His Word, the Bible, it will cause us to prune what is not good for us in our lives?  Does it mean it is our choice to prune as we learn what God has for our lives?

Okay, let us reason this out, if we believe God brings sickness, poverty and tragedies into our lives to help prune us then how can He be a God of love? Do we want to accept that God brings bad into our lives? Or do we want to believe the evil one has it out for us and throws everything he can in our way to make our lives hard? 

Let me say, the bottom line, God does not need the devil's help to bring about our pruning, although He may allow it. His Word says He will make us "perfect, thoroughly furnished with all good works."  Yes, He will take what devil has meant for bad in our lives and work it for good.  It may even cause us to do some thinking which brings about some pruning in our own lives.  However, in my way of thinking, God does not put adversity, trials and sickness in our lives to prune us.

Yes, we can learn through tragedy and God can use it for our good. (Many of you know all that has happened in my life over the past 5 years. If not, just search my labels found on the right hand side of my blog and click on the word "chronic pain". Reading that blog will catch you up and hopefully encourage you.) Now with that said, let me use an example from my own life to illustrate this point.  

Back in 2007, I was told that without surgery I would lose the use of my arms and hands. It was obvious that this was already beginning to happen, so to elect to have surgery was a no-brainer. As a teacher and artist, I needed my arms and hands. The fact is, in everyday life, everyone needs them! 

By the time the surgery date had arrived, touching anything caused so much pain I truly wanted to die.  I worked hard to use biofeedback and my creative mind to fool myself to change the way I sensed the touch of various items. I had to do this just to open a door or pick up a pencil, let alone the many other things you would touch throughout a day. No one has a clue the pain I endured or energy it took to make it through each day. It was so wearing-simply exhausting, especially when teaching and helping my dying mom.

Yet, at that point, I had hope. There was hope that the pain, as well as the use of my arms and hands would improve; even though there was not a 100% guarantee. So I was excited to get the surgery over with and get back to life..to continue to do the job I loved, teaching my students and doing art on the side to be able to sponsor children and projects to help children. 

Little did I know that the surgery would bring about changes in my life that would crush my spirit and cause me to re-evaluate who I am as a person. The surgery did make some of the pain go away and allow me to use my arms and hands better, (at least for a time), but the other complications were less than desirable. 

When I awoke from the surgery I was delighted with the difference in how the sense of touch no longer hurt so much, but at the same time, I was having trouble breathing and swallowing.  It was not know exactly why, until later, it was discovered I had a neuromuscular disease.

My life took on a new journey, which was followed by much testing, until a couple years later when doctors came up with some answers. Earlier I had endured a long stay in the hospital, a couple of near-death experiences as well as being hooked up to machinery for suction, breathing and feeding. Later my living room became a hospital room, in which I lay unresponsive. 

Once I was alert enough to comprehend things, I learned about my near-death mishaps. Although my mind did recall an experience, I had no way of making sense of it until that time. Now the feelings, thoughts and events were beginning to make sense in my mind. Finally, I could begin apply the lessons learned.

There is so much to share - especially when it comes what I have learned, so I think I had better leave that for another blog. For now, I want to use this illustration to make my point. The evil one brought this tragedy into my life and what he meant for bad God worked for good.  Even though I could no longer teach or do art as I once did, I was alive. It was the beginning of a process of learning, a new journey so I could continue to touch the lives of others, just not in the same way.

God allowed me to prune myself, to look at things in a new light by listening to what He was speaking into my life, thus allowing me to bear more fruit. On the other hand, if I mistakenly thought that God was the one bringing tragedy into my life to make me be more fruitful, it is possible that I will not resist tragedies. Instead, I might look for them, almost beckoning them to come into my life. The Word says, "To resist the devil and he will flee from you." So I want all that the evil one throws at me to flee away from me. I want God take all of the bad things and to work them for my good.  

It is true all of us will learn by hard knocks that is if we are open to learning. The person who welcomes trials with arms wide-open will suffer greatly. They will not have the true hope of victory nor will they know the real joy God has for them. They will be far behind the person who lets God's Word have His perfect work in him. For this person runs the race, reaching for the goal, not hanging on to the past and thus has victory. 

This is not to say, that we must not work to gain "acceptance" when things do happen. In fact, we must have our arms open wide to embrace all that God has for us in the midst of tragedies or trials. We must look for His blessings in every situation. We must open our hearts and minds to what God is speaking into our lives...to prune where needed in order to spring forth-new life.  So what will you be pruning in this New Year?  Will you allow God to speak into your life?